Me and Mommy waiting out the winter in our fat pants.

Hello my dearest friends!!

I am of the broken heart and of the great shame that I have not written to you in so very long. My deep truth is that not very much is exciting my heart. It is the winter in our new Alberta home and I am not in the free range very much as like Vancouver when only I would get wet and the smelly but not the three legs in the snow sort of walks in the winter snow of the Calgary.

I can hardly wait for Mom and mine’s farm tours to start in the springtime. In the meantime Mom is working hard at her new whole foods market store and she likes it very much because the peoples want to eat lots more of the free range animals than they did in her regular grocery store in Vancouver where those peoples ate up all the CAFO cows and took them home in triple plastic bags that blowed to the ocean and killed all the dolphins and turtles and some birds I think. I do not know what a CAFO cow is. I think in my brain that they are made by the evil government or Monsanto or something. I went on the Monsanto March and a fat lady stepped on my foot. I screamed very loud and she felt kinda bad then I felt bad that she looked sad.

I fear that now that I am fatter from less walks Mom will “put me in the soup pot” Then she laughs and laughs. I also have the jokes because Mom’s hind end is more big from Vancouver but there is no soup pot on the earth big enough to fit THAT in. Lucky is my Mom to be too much of the bigness … really really big I tell you… to fit in the soup pot. She would also be of the tender from all the beers and the wines! hahahaha

I shouldn’t laugh at my Mom’s fluffy bottom because I think that she may be of the depressed from missing the farms too. She does weird things to her hairs upon here head on account of being blue “bored as sh*t”. Sorry.. I hate when my Mom uses the swears “like a hairy ass logger” Those hairy rear sided loggers must be terrible sorts.  They say dogs cannot see color but I will tell you that is of the lie! I saw since Vancouver my Mom’s short fuzzy hairs go from the white blonde with the pink in the front (that I loves) then the red of the fire hydrant (which I hates) because all I could do was look upon it and want to go out to the pee pees. Now it is of the white blonde again which I hope makes her happy so she would stop talking about starting the new life every Monday. The life of her small hind end. the many boyfriends (that makes me laugh and laugh) and the farm tours!!

Well that is all I have to say for now. I will try and write more to you sooner than from before. Here is a picture of me looking fluffier and my fat Mom. My Mom says we are lucky we are of the outrageously adorable. I will sure agree with my Mom on that one! 🙂

Love Oliver 😛