I hate Santa, but I hate my Mom’s iPhone MORE!

I am sorry I am not of the joyous today my friends. We are now living in the land of Alberta and it is VERY cold here. I don’t mind the cold because I like it better than when it is of the hot and dusty. What I don’t like is the white stuff that Mom says is Santa’s favorite stuff which is snow. Snow sounds like NO which I hate too. The other day huge snow came out of the sky and Mom was squealing SNOW SNOW SNOW in a high pitch of voice that sounded like when she is drinking of the too much beers.. but she was yelling NO NO NO in my head. I got very confused and went poop right there on the sidewalk which makes me of the embarrassed and I don’t know why Mom was yelling no before the poop even came out?? Sometimes she does magical thinking and I thought maybe this was one of those times and maybe she forgot the poo poo bag which makes her cuss like the “hairy ass logger”. I do not know who these hairy rear hind loggers are but they are a bad influence on my Mom’s ladylike. 

One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is to pee pee. I pee pee everywhere to let everyone know Olly was there because I am of the handsome and the joyous!  I love to smell the other pee pees too but with all this whiteness everywhere I could not find a tree my favorite tree height and also I could not smell anything but all the whiteness every where which also hurt my nose with cold. The cold went straight into my brain, which Mom says I am not “overburdened” with. She should see her stupid brain with the beer in it.  I HATE my MOM!!! 🙁  I love my Mom 🙂 But my mom is stoopid.

So I am in the snow up to my chin and Mom is laughing like of the drunkness and I realize she is not saying NO but the word for the whiteness that is SNOW and then she takes out her iPhone and starts taking pictures of me all full of pee pee and of the angers!! If that was not good enough she picked me up and put me in the deeper snow and started laughing so hard I KNOW she got to go pee pee’d because she does that when she get’s excited, or runs, or coughs or sometimes sneezes.. or gets up too fast.. too many reasons for my brain to remember… on account of she is OLD.

I REFUSED to look at the camera like a GOOD BOY so she told me I could have a treat. I know she was lying because I stared at her treat pocket very closely and she put NO treats in there! She then told me SANTA loves the snow and I look like a pudgy little Reindeer. I don’t give one darn about the Reindeers who I think Santa eats after the presents go out anyway. Also I don’t care if Santa brought me all my nice treats and bones for the Christmas either because there is wrongness in loving the snow and eating your magical flying pets, especially the one with the wonderful red nose. I wish I had a magical glowing red nose. I bet it could melt all the snow on all the trees so that I could go the nice and plentiful pee pees. I hate Santa, I hope the Reindeer are too chewy from all the magical flying, I hate my Mom’s iPhone and I hate the snow that sounds like NO! I just wanted to go pee pee and then the worst thing happened EVER…my feet got frozen and I could only stand on 3 of my legs and I fell on my handsome face and got the evil snow straight into my nose. 

Finally I had to be the big boy and I yelled and yelled at my Mom and when she stopped laughing she brought me in the house and game me a treat. I KNEW she had none in her pocket!  Santa and my Mom are liers and the snow is of the evil but I’m not sure if I can say that because evil is of were the devil lives in hell and that is warm with the fire and Mom says snowballs don’t have a chance there. I want all the snowballs to die in the hell. Why are they called balls anyway? They don’t have peanut butter in them and they do not bounce! So many lies!  Maybe hell is nice?? I must think on that.

Well that is all for now. Thank you for listening to my no joyous note. I will write later when the joyous returns. Maybe from hell… or the springtime. I don’t know if there will be any pictures for my blogging because I am going to find my Mom’s iPhone and I am going to put it into the cat litter box! There are three cat’s in our new house and three litter boxes. I will make the drunken laugh when she tries to find it! 🙂 That makes me of the joyous!

Love Oliver :p